Behaviors that Negatively Affect Marriage

Behaviors that Negatively Affect Marriage

This week we discussed some behaviors that can be damaging to marriages. I think everyone, whether married or not knows that marriage is hard! It takes a lot of work, and you have to be willing to put in the effort. As we learned last week, marriage is not 50/50. Each partner should be giving 100% to the other. Overcoming the natural man is a lifelong challenge. Learning to overcome that, especially is a married relationship can be difficult. This is when we have to rely on the Lord.

We watched clips from the movie FireProof which is about this couple who is having marriage problems. The main point of the clips that I got was that you have to be willing to be humble. You can’t hold grudges and you need to be willing to work. Being able to put your pride to the side and make efforts. In the beginning they were making passive aggressive comments, not communicating whatsoever, and going to others for advice on their marriage. By the end, they realized that they needed to put sincere and honest effort. They got married for a reason and i really felt that a main point of this movie was for them to truly fall back in love again.

I really like what Gottman’s research that shows being in a friendship with your significant other is so important. I have always heard that you not only need to be physically attracted to your spouse but they need to be your best friend! Someone you don’t want to be apart from, who you want to help, lift, serve and love. When you have that foundation I think it makes you want to try harder when those difficult times do come, because they will.

I’m not married but right now I can take from this week the importance of being friends with a potential spouse. That way you are more likely to have a successful happy marriage. What do you married people suggest for when seeking out a spouse? What are your experience when hard times come in your marriage?

Threats to Marriage

This week we studied topics relative to the doctrine of eternal marriage. 

I am currently a single student at BYU-Idaho. Although I am not married, I have been able to see and observe friends and roommates get married. Some marriages good, others not as good. Being able to observe has given me the opportunity to get an idea of what I want and don't want in a companion, and in a spouse. Elder Bednar said that no organization can replace the home or it's essential functions. In my opinion, building a home where the spirit resides, the family feels safe, and there is love is truly essential. The home is where the foundation for children is built. This is where they are taught the fundamental principles of the gospel.Elder Benson says that one of the most important things we can teach our children is about the temple, and how it's is a sacred place where we can take place in priesthood ordinances.  We should encourage our children to make the temple a goal. Our children should want to have an eternal marriage, just because they see us an example of a good temple marriage. I like that Elder Benson gives the promise that as we attend the temple, we will love our family more deeply. 

He asks us to consider how we are preparing to be better spouses, or if not married, how are we preparing to be a good husband or wife? Joseph Fielding Smith said that once he was sealed in the temple, he experienced a different kind of love. He described it as "loving with the spirit." It was a deeper love because it was an eternal love. One that doesn't end. I love how he put that. That is something that I look forward to. 

God created males and females for a reason. They are divinely different but each compliments the other in a way that same sex relationships can't. Children are entitled to grow up with a father and a mother in the home. In today's world, with infidelity and divorce so common, young adults, like myself, fear marriage than they have before.  Marriage is hard. Covenant couples should work through their problems rather than give up. (excluding cases of abuse, infidelity or other serious things.) A good marriage should not be 50-50. Each should be giving 100% to the other spouse. We should be actively serving our spouse without thinking about what we may get in return. 

Same Sex Marriage

Threats to Marriage

This week in our class we read and studied about gay marriage and the opposing viewpoints. I know this is a hard topic for a lot of people, especially when you know people personally who are affected, or you yourself are one of those people. For me it is hard to have such a black and white opinion on this topic. I am a Sociology major and we talk about controversial topics like this all the time. On June 16, 2015, the U.S Supreme Court “held in a 5–4 decision that the Fourteenth Amendment requires all states to grant same-sex marriages and recognize same-sex marriages granted in other states.” This was a significant day, not only for those who were in favor of same-sex marriage, but those who opposed it as well. Those who argued in favor of the ruling stated that marriage shows commitment. If same sex couples can’t get married like heterosexual couples, then they feel that the opportunity to show their love and committment is stripped from them. They want that marriage and family just like everyone else. They also argued as to how marriage has evolved. From arranged marriages to now, where you can marry whomever you choose based on your love for that person. 

Those in favor talked about a same sex couple who adoped 3 special needs children, but they can only have one parent as their legal guardian. Because of this, if there is ever an emergency, their other parent wouldn’t be able to make decisions for them since they aren’t their legal guardian. Another point that was brought up was that if a spouse in a same sex relationship were to die, the death certificate would show no evidence of them ever having as spouse. The term they used in the court documents was “strangers in death.” This is something that I personally have never thought about and really made me think. I can’t imagine being married to the love of my life and then once they die, I am not even mentioned anywhere. There is no evidence legally that were were ever in love or together. 

Coming from a religious perspective, I was taught that God does not condone same-sex marriages. He intended marriage to be between a man and a woman. In 2014, President Nelson gave the commencement speak for BYU. He talked about a lot of things related to this. He said, 

“There is great power in a strong partnership. True partners can achieve the sum of each acting alone. With true partners, one plus one is much more than two.”

We were born male and female for a reason. Both males and females compliment each other. Males are made to provide, preside and protect. Women by nature are to be mothers. He warned that in the coming years, we will not be able to be “comfortable Christians” anymore. We can’t just go to church on Sunday and then forget who we are and what we stand for. We will have to be ready to defend the sacredness of marriage. 

Marriage Trends and Divorce

I had so many thoughts come to me as I studied about trends in marriage today and the effects it has. 

President Spencer W. Kimball in the 1980 Ensign said;

"...only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us."

To me, this is just warning us to have our own testimonies about the sacredness of the family, because if our foundation is built upon sand, when the pressure and evils of the world start circling us, we will crumble. Our families will not be as strong as they could have been if we had taken the time to build that firm foundation in Jesus Christ and why the sanctity of the family is so vital and important. Families are forever, they will be one of our greatest investments in this life! We should put in the work now so we can enjoy more blessings later.

The readings made it pretty obvious that the trends today are not as they used to be. The average aged that people are getting married is getting higher. Couples are cohabiting and skipping over marriage altogether. Half of marriages end in divorce, and children are repeating the cycle.

Growing up without both parents  causes cognitive, emotional and social problems in childhood that carry into adulthood. 

A quote that I really liked and stood out to me. In the talk about divorce by Elder Oaks he says that"

"if you wish to marry well, inquire well" 

You marry who you date!  I also like how he said that no man or woman is perfect. The couple must have the desire to stay committed and move toward perfection together. It takes a lot of repentance and forgiveness. He suggests that you seek counsel from your bishop  or from professionals. 

I would personally like to make it clear that in cases of abuse or infidelity, you are not obligated to stay or work things out, or at least in my opinion. 

With guidance from prophets and leaders, we can more easily navigate through this world that doesn't uphold the family as we do.