Cherishing Your Spouse

In the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman,  he talks about two important principles. They are; 

1. enhancing your love maps

2. nurturing your marriage with fondness and admiration 

What is a love map? Gottman describes a love map as 

" the part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partners life...these couples have made plenty of cognitive room for their marriage. They remember the major events in each others history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse's world change." 

To me this means that when a couple has a detailed love map, their relationship is totally enmeshed. You are intimately familiar with each other's world. They know everything about their partner and they make an effort to keep learning. They know little details about them. Gottman suggests that without a love map, you can't really know your spouse.

"...if you don't really know someone, how can you truly love them?"

Having a detailed love map in your marriage better prepares you to cope with stressful events that may happen throughout your marriage such as children, finances, etc. 

The second principle he talked about was the importance of nurturing your fondness and admiration. Making a point to make sure your spouse knows you appreciate them and see their efforts they are making could be the difference between saving your marriage or losing your marriage. "If a couple still have a functioning fondness and admiration system, their marriage is salvageable. Make a point to let your spouse know you cherish, honor and respect them.

President Spencer W. Kimball said 

"Avoid ‘ceaseless pinpricking.’ Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become.

“ ‘Ceaseless pinpricking,’ as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, can deflate almost any marriage. … Generally each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don’t need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive.

I believe that  your spouse should be your safe place. We are already hard enough on ourselves without the person that who is supposed to love you and build you up picking you apart. Choose someone who makes an effort to know you are so cared for a special, and that to them you are enough. The world is such a harsh place and your spouse needs to be your safe haven. 

Elder Bednar talked about how our greatest joy comes when we put others above ourselves and our greatest sorrows come from selfish. A marriage should be our greatest joy. Making an effort to put your spouse before yourself will strengthen your marriage. Actively pray for your spouse. Pray for yourself as well to be able to love them how they need and to see the good they do.